My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
