How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
