I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
