I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
