it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
