finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
