i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
