apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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