I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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