i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
