Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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