Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
