You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
