I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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