i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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