My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
