one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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