I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
