I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
