I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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