i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
