sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
