i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
