just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
