you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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