I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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