That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
