I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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