you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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