New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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