ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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