dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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