The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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