she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
