I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Randomize
