Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
