I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
