i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
