My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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