Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize