but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
