Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
