All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
