Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
