which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she told me i tasted like america
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
