dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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