also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
