the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Michael Bay diarrhea
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
