Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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