Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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