dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
