We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
