david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
